


One Foot Out the Door

by faegal04



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-06
Updated: 2016-08-06
Packaged: 2018-07-29 19:04:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7695802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faegal04/pseuds/faegal04
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You have always wanted Sam and hoped that one day it might be mutual, when Soulless!Sam does something unforgivable, you realize just what you need to do</p>
            </blockquote>





	One Foot Out the Door

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for Nichelle's Angst Challenge on Tumblr!

Thank God the hotel was within walking distance, you sighed when you saw the neon lights blinking off and on in that seedy red color that all of these cheap hotels had. Pulling your room key out of your pocket, you leaned against the door for just a second-body tired, head tired, and most of all your heart was tired. It had been one helluva day, filled with questioning people and getting nowhere in the research department. That had led to the bar, which led to you ignoring Sam as women basically threw themselves at his feet as he reveled in it. You knew that it wasn’t really his fault that he acted the way he did. It still hurt though when he shamelessly hit on women at bars, or hell, even when you guys partnered up to interview people. The women couldn’t seem to help themselves where he was concerned. The man oozed sex from every pore in his gigantic soulless body. Watching him leave the bar with yet another skank, had been the final kick in the gut to an already shitty day.

Turning the key you twisted the knob and pushed the door open, hitting the light switch on your right, stepped into the room and froze. The breathy moan from said bar skank who was currently riding Sam in your bed was the final straw and you saw red.

“WHAT THE FUCK?!” you screamed.

Bar skank had the decency to at least cover her overly large and obviously fake boobs with the sheet, while Sam just stared at you, lust still filling his eyes. He cocked that sinful half smirk of his that had one dimple popping and grasped her hips, slowly thrusting up into her- never taking his eyes off of you.

Tears filled your vision and you gasped, immediately backing out of the room and slamming the door shut behind you. Once you were alone on the sidewalk, your stomach rolled with nausea and you felt the world closing in on you as your breaths became shallower, your heart racing as if it were a car engine being revved up. White spots began filling your vision and you bent over, grabbing your knees while you tried to get your breathing under control.

“Y/N!” Dean all but yelled as he was getting out of the Impala. “What’s wrong? Are you hurt? What happened?”

You looked up at him, tears streaming down your face, and those horrid sounds of trying to suck air into your lungs, you pointed back towards the door and managed to get one word out- “Bed!”

Dean nodded and turned the doorknob, silently muttering “Fuck” when he saw what you were referring to about the bed. He slammed the door shut, scooped you into his arms and headed down the sidewalk to his and Sam’s room.

“Just hold on, sweetheart,” Dean said softly. “I’ve got you, everything will be okay.”

Why couldn’t he have been the one to hold your heart, why did it have to be Sam. Because it was always Sam, since you were teenagers. Dean was your best friend, he had held you more times as you cried over his little brother than you could count. More times than any one person should cry over someone, you thought bitterly. You felt your body tensing more as every muscle was contracting over the lack of oxygen you were able to draw into your struggling lungs and black spots began to dance in your vision.

Dean felt your body tensing and knew that you were close to passing out, he hurried through the doorway and sat on the bed with you still cradled in his arms, silently cursing his brother out.

“Hey Y/N,  look at me, c’mon baby please look at me!” He pleaded as he ran one hand up and down your back. “There we go, let me see those beautiful eyes.” He took his other hand from under your knees and grabbed one of your hands and laid it flat against his chest. “Breathe with me sweetheart. In, out. In, Out. Slower.”

Even though you could feel his heart hammering in his chest over his own panic towards you, his slow even breaths and staring into those beautiful green eyes of his, was slowly bringing your panic under control.

“D-Dean,” you were finally able to stammer out.

“Yeah, I’ve got you. You’re okay,” Dean gruffly said. “You know Sam isn’t himself right now, Y/N. He doesn’t understand the repercussions of his actions.” Silently, Dean was pissed and wanted nothing more than to go down to your room, kick that bitch out and have a long and possibly painful discussion with his brother.

“Stop defending him. He knows what he’s doing and he is completely okay with it,” you said angrily.

Dean sat you on the bed after the worst of the panic attack was over and he walked over to the window, opening it to get some cool night air in the room and then grabbed you a bottle of water. He crossed the room in long strides and sat down next to you.

“Sam wants help, we just have to be his moral compass until we can figure out how to get his soul back, he knows that and you know that. What he is doing right now-he’s thinking with his dick not his head. He would never hurt you like this-”

“Bull-shit! Do you know how Albert Einstein defined insanity, Dean?” you paused to look at him.

“Enlighten me, Yoda,” Dean said with a smirk.

You rolled your eyes at him, “He says that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. That is clearly what I have been doing with Sam since we were teens. I always expect him to finally see me in a different light and it never happens and he smiles at me with those killer dimples and I melt and let him lead me around again and again, until I break.” You sighed, finally feeling as if a burden had lifted from your shoulders. “I can’t keep repeating this cycle.” Neither of you noticed that there was a tall shadow standing outside the open window listening to every word you said. “If I keep letting this happen,I’m going to end up a cold, lonely woman,” you broke off with a small sob.

Dean shook his head, and raised one hand up to cup your cheek, “No sweetheart, that won’t happen. I won’t let that happen.” He brushed his thumb across your cheek wiping away the tears that started falling again.

“I know what I have to do now. I h-have to leave, get a clean break from Sam and learn to move on,” you said quietly, pressing one finger against Dean’s lips when he went to speak. “Shh, I’ve always had one foot out the door when it comes to Sam, it’s time to take the other step.”

You were about to take your finger off of Dean’s soft lips when he blew out a soft warm breath and gently placed a kiss against your finger. Your heart beat skipped for just a minute and your eyes jerked from his lips to his eyes to see them darken with desire. _‘Wait, what?’_ your confused mind thought.

Before you could say anything though, the door opened to the room and Sam strode in looking angry.

“Dean,” he said a bit too forcefully. “Can I talk to Y/N. Alone?”

“Not now, Sam,” Dean growled.

“Yes, now,” Sam spat. Sam had seen enough through the window to let him know that something unexpected was about to happen and he couldn’t have that. He wasn’t sure why it mattered so much, probably something to do with the memories he carried concerning you. He just knew that you were there for him and not for Dean. He wouldn’t allow that to happen.

Dean looked carefully at you, “It’s up to you sweetheart. I can go if you want or I can stay and make hi-”

“It’s okay, Dean, I think there are some things Sam and I need to talk about,” you said with a grateful smile.

Dean nodded, his stomach in a knot and his heart knocking. He was worried if you walked out of this room, he would never see you again and that was something that he knew he wouldn’t survive.

“I’ll be in your room when you’re done. We need to talk before you do anything else, okay?”

You nodded softly and then turned your head to look at Sam standing there and felt your heart harden just a bit more towards him. He looked so smug that he had gotten his way and Dean was leaving. Dean walked towards the door, stepping closer to Sam and between gritted teeth he whispered, “Empathy, Sam, empathy.” One last glance back at you and he closed the door.

“Okay Sam, you’ve got me here. What do you want?” you asked with a sigh.

“I overheard your conversation with Dean. You’re leaving?” You nodded and stood up from the bed moving to the table and chairs in the room. “You said that you needed away from me, why?” he said as he sat down across from you. “What am I to you?”

“A friend, Sam. You’re just a friend.” you said playing with the label on the water bottle.

He grinned that smirky smile towards you again. “Friends, I don’t think so. Try again, Y/N. Friends don’t leave friends.” He tilted his head to one side. “You know I have all these memories of the old me and there are a lot of you in them. The old me was confused about you, he never understood why you stayed when it seemed like you were always ended up getting hurt because of me-him.”

Your eyes darted to his face quickly wondering what game he was trying to play. The new Sam always had an ulterior motive and it was something that you just couldn’t ignore any longer.

“Those memories are there because we used to be close and I used to think we were important to each other, but now…” you trailed off.

“But now, what? Because I’m better than I have ever been, we’re not close anymore so you just bail?” he said questioningly.

“I’m not bailing, I need a break. Why act like you care all of a sudden? We both know that if Dean wasn’t your Jiminy Cricket right now, you would still be banging that bar skank in my bed,” you said, anger lacing your tone.

He chuckled. “You’re jealous, I don’t know why I never saw it before. You care for me, maybe even love me. I knew you had the hots for me, but I never saw the emotion coming,” he said with a cocky grin. “By the way, I got what I needed from the bar skank, I think that’s what you called her, and I sent her on her way.”

You clenched the water bottle in your hand and the sound of plastic crinkling was like a gun shot in the room.

“Again, why act like you care if I’m around or not, Sam.”

“Truthfully, I don’t care one way or the other. I know I should and I know the old me would have fought to keep you here with promises and what not. I just find it fascinating that with the shit you have put up with, that all of the sudden you want out,” he said with a puzzled look on his face. “I mean you were there when I left for Stanford, you were the one I called when I fell in love with Jess, but yet you still waited for me like some lost puppy,” he paused when he heard you gasp. “Then there was the whole demon blood thing and finding out that I fucked Ruby, and again I remember you standing outside the panic room at Bobby’s crying for me. Is that what love is to you? Suffering? The emotional part is a burden, don’t you see that?”

“Sam, I feel so sorry for you, that you see emotions as a burden. Emotions are what make us human, without them we’re nothing. Empty shells that have no meaning. You may be okay with shutting yourself down, but I’m not. I want so much more,” you said with a soft smile.

“Those are just feelings, they mess everything up. I’m better without them, you just won’t open  your mind to it. All I’m saying is you have always wanted me, well now you can have me.”

“Wow Sam, you’re just full of yourself aren’t you,” you laughed harshly. “Yes, I always saw the good in you and knew that deep in your heart you cared. I know you are still a good person despite being soulless right now. The truth of the matter is, I can’t do it anymore. Life’s too short. Life as a hunter is even shorter.”

Sam looked at you with what could only be described as shock, clearly surprised that you weren’t taking him up on his offer. “Y/N, can I ask you a question?”

“Of course, Sam,” you said solemnly.

“ **Do you believe in love**?” he asked quietly.

You stood up and walked around the table, towards Sam and the door. He assumed you were finally coming to him and slid his chair out reaching one hand out to you. You smiled softly at him and said, “Of course I believe in love Sam, **it’s my most elaborate method of self-harm** where you’re concerned,” you brushed your hand across his cheek and walked out of the room.


End file.
